Please force me to be less terrible.

Are you guys as goddam crazy as I am right now?  Because I’m fucking losing it.  I think it’s a combo of full moon and mercury in retrograde and depression and running out of pudding and crazy drama bullshit and it sort of seems like everyone is nuts right now.  This is what it looks like in my head:

And then Hailey came downstairs crying because her lizard (Lizard Borden – aka Lil’ Pumpkin) was dead and so I checked on her she wasn’t breathing and I was like, “Honey, lizards don’t live forever” but then when I reached in Lizard Borden took a sudden breath and looked at me like, “WHAT THE FUCK, LADY?  I WAS SLEEPING.”  And then she ate and ran around and was fine so I went on a lizard chat group and I was like, “What does it mean when your lizard stops breathing?” and they were like, “It means your lizard is dead” but then I explained further and they were like, “Oh yeah, sometimes that kind of lizard goes into a deep, non-breathing sleep.  If it stops breathing for a couple of days though then your lizard is dead.”

Long story short: I’m totally feeling that lizard.  Not physically.  Just…the idea of being so tired that people accidentally think you’re dead and then people start poking you and all you want to do is just eat some crickets and watch Doctor Who.  Also, I just realized that maybe the lizard is now a zombie.  So good news, bad news, I guess.

Sorry.  I got distracted.

Anyway, my head is a pile of broken right now and so I need something happy to fix me so can you share something happy with me?  Maybe it’s happy news or a funny video or a suggestion for a book or show that makes you laugh.

Here’s one for you:

Also awesome?  The first comment on this video which is “These cats are stupid.”

Your turn.


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